Some Like It Hot
by NewAgeWar
Summary: Harry and Ron get fired during the Wizard Great Depression while the prohibition is happening. How far are Harry and Ron willing to go to get any job they can get their hands on? Loosely based on the film Some Like It Hot. AU
1. New Beginnings

Author's note: This is based off of the film Some Like it Hot, but in the Harry Potter universe keep in mind Harry and Ron did not become friends with Hermione because the Troll never broke into the school, enjoy the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own Some Like it Hot.

* * *

 **Some Like it Hot**

 **Chapter 1: New Beginnings**

Harry Potter graduated from Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry, with his best friend Ron Weasley and became Aurors for the Ministry of Magic. Harry and Ron were both the most unorthodox Aurors in their department, which is why they have not been able climb the ladder as fast as Ron's little sister Ginevera Weasley, most commonly referred to as Ginny Weasley. Harry and Ron would often sneak off to a plot of land where some terrorists called Death Eaters would often meet up, even though they have not been heard from for at least 20 years, the leader called Lord Voldemort was rumored dead but somehow he has been resurrected. Ginny was not aware of their whereabouts most of the time.

Harry and Ron apparated a mile away from the rendezvous point and slowly snuck through the forest and saw a group of hooded men with mask shaped like a skull. The only man without a hood or mask was a man with a serpent like head, Harry assumed this was Voldemort.

"Tonight is the night we have been waiting for, the night we have ousted after for 19 years! My knights no mudblood will be safe tonight, they will learn where they belong and soon the world will be rid of this disgusting race that has plagued the wizarding world for centuries!" After the leader said that the followers all cheered in happiness but one. Voldemort raised his bald head toward the follower how did not cheer, without warning the man lifted his wand and a red light emitted from the tip causing follower to drop on the ground seizing and screaming in pain. After at least ten minutes Voldemort released the spell but it seemed to be to late for the seizing man.

"Next time you will cheer Malfoy! Or I won't be so lenient next time." He snickered. Ron moved closer so he could hear better but as he did he stepped on a branch causing all the Death Eaters to turn their heads towards them. Harry slowly backed away silently wishing he had some sort of invisibility cloaking device while cursing Ron. As the Death Eaters neared both men they laughed at the Auror's scared faces as they surrounded them.

"Well, well if it isn't Potter and his little freckled friend!" Voldemort laughed nasally, all the Death Eaters laughed along this time. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley gaped at the Death Eaters and their leader in horror. Not knowing what to do Harry aimed a stupify at the gang's leader and the duo ran out of Voldemort's sight whilst he was distracted and barely got far enough away to apparate away from the terrorists. When they made it to the safety of the Auror Department.

"Harry James Potter and Ronald Bilius Weasley! How dare you guys go on a bloody unauthorized mission to spy on bleeding Death Eaters you daft gits!" It was safe to say Ginny was scared for her friend and brother and also extremely enraged at them.

"Ginny we c-," Harry was cut off by Ginny.

"It is Miss. Weasley to you Potter," she said sounding more upset with each passing word, "I am not going to deal with this rubbish anymore, I have gotten more complaints than approval for your stupidity, not to mention how many galleons we have spent fixing everything you guys damage."

"Mis-!"

"And that is why I have no other choice but to fire you guys, effective immediately." With that last statement Ron and Harry froze inn shock hoping to God their ears have deceived them. After the high of the war has died people have been down on luck along with the wizarding economy, people have lost their jobs, people with the highest medical degree are out on the streets begging for a sickle, not to mention the ban on alcohol due to they rise of alcoholics, it is the closest the wizarding community will understand muggles during their lowest.

* * *

Two weeks after being fired the duo were not entirely sure what to do about the job situation they have come across. Ron casually dug into his pockets until his eyes widened at the two galleons he had in his pocket and turned to Harry abruptly, "Harry! We have two galleons you know what that means!"

"We can have a final proper meal before going to live on the streets and going into deep depression?" Harry said bleakly.

"No... What's wrong with you mate? I meant we could bet on the next hippogrif race and get four times returned!" Ron looked like he just found clarity.

"First of all what happens if we get nothing back in return? Then we won't even have a last meal." Harry said looking super upset as he rubbed his scar.

"Have faith, my brother! With your luck and my charisma we will be fine." Ron gave Harry a reassuring smile and Harry reluctantly nodded his approval. Ron skipped away to the nearest hippogrif racetrack leaving Harry trailing behind Ron.

* * *

"You stupid idiot!" Harry screamed at Ron, his face is as red as his friend's hair, "I can't believe I trusted you with all the money we have only for you to gamble it away!"

"I'm sorry!" Ron said also upset at how stupid he was.

"Well, you remember Cho, my old girlfriend from Hogwarts?" He said eyes brightening with every word.

"Yeah, what about her?" He said not understanding what was so significant about her.

"Well she now works at the Wizarding Unemployment Agency! I'm sure if I talk her up a bit she will at least point us to a decent place that's hiring. HA! It just might work!" Harry grabbed Ron's arm and apparated in front of the agency and rushed into the building. The building was rather large with basic glass doors leading to the main area entering the main level with white tiled floors and marbled walls, three elevators on the right side and the receptionist in the middle with a line of aggravated looking people. The receptionist was obviously ignoring the person in front of her, Harry decided that he could sneak past the line and go into the elevator but right as soon as Ron pressed the button the receptionist stood up and told the duo to go to the back of the line.

"Oh you don't understand I just came to see my girlfriend, Cho Chang!" Harry said hoping the receptionist would not detect the lie. She pondered it for a bit.

"Why not, you are much better looking than that Diggory guy, she is on level 3." Harry chuckled at that remark and went up. As soon as the elevator opened and he scanned the room littered with desks in front of doors, finally Harry saw Cho. He strutted up to her and cleared his throat so she would look up from her paperwork. She looked up and automatically her eyes narrowed at him, "What do you want?"

"Aw don't be like that! I'm just being friendly." He said mustering his most charming smile.

"Friendly would be calling me and not avoiding me like the plague after screwing me Potter!" Harry flinched at that remark but plastered his smile back on.

"Oh darling, I was young and I have changed, I would take you out for lunch but I have this job issue... The issue is I don't have one." After Harry said that Cho looked up with a twinkle in her eye but her face remained blank.

"Oh is that all? Well there is this one opening... its for a bassist and saxophonist. You guys still play right?"

"Yeah, we still play, after that experimental year when Dumbledore made us learn an instrument Mrs. Weasely made us play for her every holiday break. So we still have practice." Harry shrugged at Ron who nodded in return.

"Okay then, head into the room to my right then."

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 **A/N:** This would conclude the first chapter of my multi chapter story. Thank you for reading and please tell me what you think, good and bad. Love you all!


	2. Desperate

**Author's note** : This is based off of the film Some Like it Hot, but in the Harry Potter universe keep in mind Harry and Ron did not become friends with Hermione because the Troll never broke into the school, enjoy the story.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own Some Like it Hot.

* * *

 **Some Like it Hot**

 **Chapter 2: Desperate**

"Okay then, head into the room to my right." Cho said pointing to the room next to her then went back to her paperwork. The boys looked at the door and saw a bronze template that said 'Slughorn Musical Placement Agency'. Ron and Harry shrugged to each other and headed into the room and saw a fat man with a face that matched Ron's hair talking on a telephone that was last seen in the muggle world in the mid 1900s. The man looked at the boys and motioned his head toward the two empty chairs and went back to ignoring them.

"I told you I am doing my best with the situation, its not my fault the only two people who played the sax got herself pregnant!" He listened for a bit and said, "The bass slashed her wrist in the bathroom and died, we might as well do the same. Well I will call you when we find you a girl.", He turned to the boys and said, "I'm not sure if i have another room for one more ulcer. I'm Slughorn, how may I help you?"

Harry cleared his throat and said, "We are here for the openings saxophonist and bassist openings, Cho told us about it."

Ron looked up. "Not too late are we?"

Slughorn looked at them, "The one in Crete?"

The boys looked at each other, "Its in Crete? Bloody hell yeah!"

"What are you a couple of comedians? Get out!" Slughorn said.

"You need a bass and a sax, right?"

"The instruments are right but you're not."

"I don't get it"

"You're the wrong shape."

Harry and Ron looked at him incredulously, "What do you want, hunchbacks?"

"It's not the backs that concern me." Slughorn snickered.

"What kind of band is this?"

"You have to be under 20"

"We are under 20..."

Slughorn rubbed his temples, "You have to be blonde."

"We could dye our hair!" Harry said nodding to Ron who shrugged.

"Oh Gods, you have to be girls!" Slughorn snapped.

"We can't do that." Ron said stupidly.

"This is a girls band?" Harry said sinking into his chair, "I could just wring Cho's neck."

Ron's eyes brightened, "We can talk this over, can't we?"

Harry eyed Ron, "What's there to talk about?"

"On that mission when we worked in the gypsy tearoom, we wore gold earrings!"

"No Ron."

"When we sneaked into that tropical hotel we wore grass skirts to fit in!"

"That was different!"

Slughorn was looking at both boys then turned to Harry and said, "What's with him? He drinks?"

"No, he hasn't been eating well. His empty stomachs been getting to his head."

"Come on its just three weeks! We could borrow clothes from Ginny!" Ron said excitedly,

"Okay get out." Slughorn said not impressed anymore. Ron and Harry left the building both contemplating the idea of being girls.

After walking in silence for a few minutes Harry turned to Ron and said, "We still have those wigs from that mission we did in the strip club?"

"Yeah, now we're talking!" Ron said, "We need padding as well... We can call ourselves Josephine and Geraldine!"

"Why?" Harry said wrinkling his nose.

"Those are my grandmothers names and I think they are beautiful.

Harry nodded, he looked up and saw a phone booth, "Hey, give me a sickle."

"No! That's for lunch."

"We can have lunch on the train, now give me the sickle."

"What train, oh bullocks, here." Ron gave him the sickle reluctantly. Harry grabbed it and put it in the slot and typed the number for the Job Agency in.

Harry cleared his throat and put on his most feminine voice, "Hello. Mr. Slughorn? Yes, this is Josephine... I heard you have a spot for a bassist and saxophonist... 11 sharp? No problem. Thank you." With that Harry hung up and turned to Ron, "Better pack and fix your face we have to get to the station in three hours and you need to look pretty."

"You should be more concerned for yourself scar face." Ron mumbled hurt.

* * *

 **A/N: This is chapter 2 YAY! Sorry I made this short! If you hate or like this story don't forget to review. I hope you guys love it and remember this the plot of a movie with book characters. 3**


	3. Crazy Train

**Author's note** : This is based off of the film Some Like it Hot, but in the Harry Potter universe keep in mind Harry and Ron did not become friends with Hermione because the Troll never broke into the school, enjoy the story.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Harry Potter nor do I own Some Like it Hot.

* * *

 **Some Like it Hot**

 **Chapter 2: Crazy Train**

"Okay _Josephine_ , what do you suggest we do now? Wave our handkerchiefs and flutter our eyelashes and hope they don't see through our makeshift breast and overly powdered noses?" Ron was getting more nervous as the duo approached the train. Ron kept fidgeting with his skirt as wobbles around the platform in his 3-inch scuffed heels. It did not help that Harry dumped both of their instruments on Ron, while Harry strutted in his heels, nose in the air, purse in hand.

"Don't be dramatic Geraldine, it is not becoming of a lady." Harry said, refusing to break character for even a second. Ron mumbled something about being a lady and shoving his heel somewhere Harry does not think is an appropriate location for a heel.

"I swear, women are a different species," Ron looked around and spotted a tall brunette with curly walking with more confidence than Harry would ever have and passed them in her 4 inch heels, Ron's jaw dropped and stared at the woman's figure as he tried to mimic her body's movement while trying to balance the instruments, "See! How does she that bounce? I will never look down on women again!"

They neared their train's car and were greeted with a short man and an unusually tall woman, the woman sized them and pulled out a muggle notebook, "Names?"

"I'm Josephine and this is-"

"Daphne!" Ron interrupted Harry and the woman wrote their names down.

"You may go." Harry went first walking easily into the train, meanwhile Ron tripped on the first step dropping the instruments causing the short man to put his hand on Ron's lower back for support making Ron jump.

"Don't get fresh!" Ron said in an offended high pitched voice which matched one of Minnie Mouse, the short man's face turned red as the tall woman glared at him.

* * *

The women on the train confused both Harry and Ron, they expected them to be quiet and reading books rather than taking off their bras and dancing around.

"I think I'm in paradise." Ron said, while his mouth was salivating. Harry smacked the back of his head.

"You are one of the girls! They are one of us and we are one of **them**. Now _Daphne_ take off your bra and laugh." Ron took off his bra only to have one of his breasts drop onto the ground.

"Bloody hell Ha- Josephine, I have to fix my padding, come to the bathroom with me will you?" Ron said pleadingly.

"Fine, make it quick, I think they are going to play 20 questions and I need to know what these creatures do in real life." Harry said squinting untrustingly to all the females in the car. They entered the bathroom and saw the brunette from earlier drinking from a flask, her eyes widened as she fruitlessly tried to hide the flask behind her back.

"You are not going to snitch are you? I have had a tough year... well few years now. Please don't nark me to them, I'll be out for sure this time!" The woman looked like she was on the verge of tears and quickly took a swing from the flask, "I just don't want you guys to think I drink all the time, I'm a good girl really, I am just not really going through such a good time right now."

Ron smiled at the woman, "We would never do such a thing, we are party girls ourselves! Ain't that right, Joe?"

Harry raised his eyebrow and glanced at the girl, "Yeah, we bend a few ruled here and there. I'm Josephine, you can call me Joe."

The woman sniffed and hugged Harry, Harry felt out of place as he patted her back, "I'm Hermione, thank you so much Joe!"

Ron cleared his throat awkwardly, "Im Daphne."

Hermione beamed at Ron and hugged him too, except Ron looked a little too happy and Harry remembered the padding issue they have not fixed yet. "Hey, Daph... Didn't you have a certain issue you needed to fix concerning a certain _issue._ " Harry glanced at Ron's chest pointedly and Ron's ears tinted a bit red.

"Excuse me, Hermione, I must use the restroom." Hermione smiled knowingly.

"If you need any pain relievers, I have some extra pills to give you." Ron's ears were now a bright red along with his face as he realized what Hermione thought the 'problem' was. She began walking out with a last swing and lifted her dress and placed the flask safely in her stockings, "Thank you again for not ratting me out, you are very sweet."

Both Harry and Ron blushed as they saw Hermione's exposed leg and awkwardly looked away. Ron was the first to recover and whispered to Harry, "How about the shape of that liquor cabinet?"

"Down Ron."

"I'd like a cup of that sugar." Ron said raising his eyebrows. Harry slapped on Ron on his arm.

"No sugar Ron! We are on a diet, no sugar, no pastries, and no butter!"

"You are no fun." Ron mumbled going into the bathroom to fix his breasts.

* * *

They exited the restroom and the tall woman gathered them to one end of the car, "Okay ladies I will be conducting for you, you may call me Sue, now do you all know Running Wild? Good new lets start."

Sue moved her baton and all the women and the two cross dressers played Running Wild. Harry looked like he was constipated as he played the Saxophone and Ron looks as if he is going to pass out any second. Sue banged her baton repeatedly causing all the girls to stop and glared at Harry and Ron, "What is wrong with you, what was your job before this, square dances?"

"No... Funerals." Harry said blushing.

"Do you mind rejoining the living? Liven it up a little." Sue said and resumed moving her baton as they played again. They all began playing with a bit more fervor the closet boys were swinging while Ron spun his base in between notes and Harry tapping his right foot to the beat. Hermione moved through the crowd and started dancing down the train's pathway with her Ukulele singing:

"Running wild, lost control.

Running wild, mighty bold.

Feeling gay, reckless too,

Carefree mind all the time, never blue.

Always going, don't know where,

Always showing.. I don't care!

Don't love nobody, it's not worthwhile.

All alone, running wild!"

By the end of the number she returned to the group and the flask that was secured in her stocking slipped onto the ground. Sue saw it and her face turned red.

"Bienstock!" The short man ran into the car and looked at Sue.

"Yes, Sue? What is it?" he said fixing his glasses.

"I made it clear that there was no drinking here!" She said handing the flask to Bienstock.

"Who does this belong to?" He said, after a while without a response his eyes fall onto Hermione, "Hermione, I warned you!"

"Please, Mr. Bienstock-" Hermione said pleadingly.

"This is the last straw, in Birmingham you smuggled liquor in a shampoo bottle and before that you hid a pint in your Ukulele..."

Ron looked between them and moved towards the front, "Pardon me sir, do you mind giving me my flask back?"

"Sure." Bienstock said handing Ron the flask and turned back to Hermione, "Pack your things, the next stop will be your la- Your flask?"

"Just a little bourbon." Ron shrugged slipping the flask into his bra.

"Give me that!" Beinstock said, face going red, snatching the flask from Ron. Hermione gave Ron a grateful smile and Harry looked like he was about to hit Ron with his Saxophone mouthing something.

Sue looked at both women, "There are two things I won't tolerate, liquor and men."

Ron looked at her, beginning to sweat, "Men?"

Harry cut in, "You don't have to worry about that."

Ron smiled and said, "We would be caught dead with men. Those rough, hairy beasts with eight hands..." Ron looked at Bienstock, "Who only want one thing from a girl."

Bienstock looked offended, mouth agape, "I... I beg you pardon?"

Sue rolled her eyes, "Okay girls, from the top!"

* * *

 **A/N: This is the end of chapter 3, please review, it would really help me figure out what to do and how to write the future chapters. Anything from a simple "good job" or "God awful" to a paragraph will do, don't think I'm forcing your hand I just need criticism.**

 **Question: Who do you think the pairings will be?**


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